This is the deal about my chest and back pain: If I breathe, I am hurting myself, plain and simple. Deep breathing screws me up. Truly the only way for me to get over this is to stay in bed for at least two weeks, taking anti-inflammatories and pain killers and not do anything at all to cause me to breathe more than my usual shallow breaths. I should not even sit up because sitting at a computer can cause me to slouch, compressing my muscles, making my chest and back ache and causing everything to flare up again. If I sit in front of a computer too long, I screw myself up.
Basically, I am screwed, no matter what I do that does not entail keeping prone.
So I am going to leave for the evening and go to bed.
I think the anti-inflammatories keep me awake because I only got two hours of sleep last night. I did not sleep well the night before, either, and both nights I took drugs because of chest pain. I think I will take a pain killer before bed tonight.
You scored as Winter. You are WINTER. You're more introspective, thinking deeply, feeling deeply. You love nothing better than to enjoy one on one time with those who are important to you. You are cautious, and sometimes second guess yourself. Dreams, though you have them, are a luxury, because life is not a plaything.
THE MEME OF THREE.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. bakayaro onna
2. onna
3. Lucretia (long story)
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. bakayaro_onna
2. onna_crap
3. dms8310
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my eyes - they change colour depending on what eyeshadow and clothing I wear
2. my sexuality
3. my incredibly warped and horny sense of humor
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my 85 year old body
2. all the chronic injuries I have that keep me from doing things I want to do
3. how my body is no longer the size it was when I was a ballet/jazz/theatre dancer
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German
2. British
3. Swedish
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. rat dying before me
2. losing the ability to draw by losing my hands or my eyes
3. dying alone
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. the web
2. manga/anime
3. makeup (but only when I have to leave the house)
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. two pair of rat's socks
2. Victoria's Secret undies
3. skin
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR ARTISTS:
1. Sarah McLachlan
2. Enya
3. The Kings Singers
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Unwell - Matchbox 20
2. My Immortal - Evanessence
3. Losing My Religion - REM
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. finishing the plethora of fics that are 'almost' completed
2. finishing all the pics that have been lurking around for years
3. become debt-free, finally
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. great sex
2. letting each other be themselves and not bitch about it
3. humour, laughter, play
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I have owned a horse before
2. I can meow like kittens so convincingly I have fooled mother cats
3. My cat was a person in a fur coat
THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. good looking butts in tight jeans, or in dance tights
2. beautiful, washed, and styled hair, long, short, whatever
3. if they are not embarrassed to show their emotions, like crying - that's a real turn-on
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:
1. tolerate stupid people
2. gymnastics
3. see people's skin colour as what defines them as a person
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. anime/manga fanfiction and fanart
2. playing video/computer/PS games with rat
3. fabric arts - sewing, cross-stitch, crochet, crafts
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. draw and write
2. sleep
3. be healthy again
THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
Since I already have a career, even though it was not ever planned, these are the ones I had considered at one point or another:
1. stripper
2. high-paid call girl
3. gallery manager
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. England/Scotland/Wales
2. Hawaii (we want to go again!)
3. Australia
THREE KIDS NAMES: (these are names I thought of in high school)
1. Jeremy William
2. Jennifer Caroline
3. Jason Scott
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. travel the world
2. have a house and invite people over
3. go to yaoicon
THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
Sorry, I will not subject anyone to this unless they want to do it.
After I left this morning, rat turned on my pc and it came up just fine. Was the gremlin asleep?
So tonight I will be moving stuff off C drive, in case another crash occurs, and rat will be starting the build of the new pc while I am doing that. We already have a new cpu ready to go. It needs my old pc's hard drives moved over.
Luckily, the majority of my work is stored on another drive so all I will really have to do is move some text docs and some jpgs off the desktop and things will be ready to go.
I still do not know how long I will be out of pocket at home because of the old machine's flakiness and rat pulling things from it for the new one. It is currently sitting at home, running fine, so after I move stuff around I will do some other things needing to get done. If I have time, I will pop out here.
We are also playing on our old Playstation and got the used Playstation2 hooked up last night. It has been fun, getting away from the computers and playing our Spyro games again.
It does not surprise me in the least my Art, Writing and Music all run close together in this quiz.
You scored as Visual/Spatial. You probably feel at home with the visual arts, maps, charts, and diagrams. You tend to think in images and pictures. You learn best by looking at pictures and slides, watching videos or movies, and visualizing. People like you include sculptors, painters, surgeons and engineers.
It could be something as simple as a loose connection.
It could be the main hard drive has died.
It could be the motherboard has finally died after lasting longer than ever expected. This computer was purchased November 1998. Not too long ago we were buying some stuff at the computer wholesale shop we frequent. I was told this motherboard was one of the most robust made at the time. It is a Pentium II, 400 and it has lasted a ridiculously long time compared to the majority of computers out there.
Anyway, I will pretty much be out of touch in the evenings, unless I kick rat off his horrible machine to check email, etc. I cannot guarantee much contact during office hours, either.
Here is the little bit of snow we got last year. I do not expect any more this winter, sadly... These were taken on campus from the building where I work.
#1: This is through the front window of T-Duck Hall.
#2: I walked out the back door of T-Duck, on the 'first floor' landing and took this one. That's the lake/river that splits the campus in half and one of the smaller bridges across to the other side.
#3: Another shot from basically the same place as #2.
#4: This is the view from the other side of #2 & #3. This walkway goes to the parking lot in #1.
#5: This is in the other direction from #2.In the distance is the spillway and the tennis courts.
#6: Standing right outside the back T-Duck Hall backdoor, trying, and failing, to get snow to fall across the shot.
You scored as Severus Snape. Well you're a tricky one aren't you? Nobody quite has you figured out and you'd probably prefer it stayed that way. That said you are a formidable force by anyone's reckoning, but there is certainly more to you than a frosty exterior and a bitter temper.
Before rat went to bed last night, he said he would like me to be home (and getting healthy again), so dropping the course was okay with him. He asked if there was a chance I could audit the class and I told him probably not. He was surprised I would be able to get some money back.
So, I guess that's what I am going to do. I have decided not to tell sensei until after I have taken myself out of the system because I suspect he will try to talk me out of it. It is pointless to try to take a course when I have already missed the first class and I know sensei did more than go over a syllabus. He jumps right in and has a real class the first meeting, unlike some teachers who just go over the syllabus and let students go. I bet sensei did not even HAVE the syllabus ready for the first day, which is typical of him.
I just do not trust my body right now. This last bit of intestinal shit blind-sided me. I suspect my resistance is still gone to hell in a handbasket and I will never know when I will get sick and what will attack me.
So, I guess what I will do this 'semester' is to keep as well as I can manage. I will try to get everything back I lost last summer and work on the website. I have lots of pending stuff to do to it when it comes to content.
I am seriously considering dropping the Japanese class so someone else can take the seat. In fact, I had CE on the phone to drop it a few minutes ago but hung up because I think I will talk to rat about it when he gets home later tonight. I can still get 80% of the payment back before the second class meeting and I suspect the class full, so if I give up my seat, someone who really wants the class can have the seat.
If I am going to continue to get sick so easily because my immune system is prednizone-fucked, it is pointless for me to try and take a class this semester. The doc says the susceptibility could last nine months to a year.
Right now I feel like my brain is incapable of learning anything and my drive to learn Japanese is nil. Actually, my drive to do much of anything is nil. My brain feels like mushy scrambled eggs while my body keeps poking me with various aches, pains and inflammations. It is now officially 20 fucking weeks of being sick one way or another.
I woke up this morning with the serious thought of dropping the Japanese class before it started tonight, because I already felt so worn out and I had just gotten up.
rat and I talked about it a bit. Since I am taking it continuing ed. again I will not be sweating a grade. This semester should not be as stressful as it was last Spring, when I had two teachers who were Japanese and expected the class to know so much from the first semester.
I have a lot to say but my brain hurts and my eyes are burning so I am signing off.
Yes, we ARE old geezers compared to most folks here. I turned 47 last week.
We are not doing anything in particular. No presents exchanged, no cards given. It has never been rat's style so now I follow his lead in non-celebration of our birthdays.
It was my mother's birthday yesterday.
Her present was delivered a week ago but the office says rat picked it up on the exact date it was delivered - and the log shows this. However, we cannot find the box anywhere. We plan on going to the office again today and ask them to check the boxes, in case the mailing label was incorrect and they think it belongs to someone else. If we cannot find it, $100 worth of present has disappeared into the ozone.
We still have not done the official Capricorn celebration. I really would like to completely avoid it.
Birthdays are not important anymore when it comes to celebrating. All it does for me is to show how few years we have left to live. We need to start working on things I do not want to think about, like funeral arrangements.
Every day with rat is precious to me. If he dies before me, I will not have a reason to live anymore.
Boy, it sure is evident my hormones are fucked up...
Just ignore me right now. Time to shower and go to the office.
We met with my World Lit teacher and the other "A" and over-achieving student from last semester Friday night at a place called QQ Cafe. (http://www.qqcafe.net) It is a place to get bubble tea, something I had never tasted before. They had TOO MANY choices so I had the chocolate smoothie with pearls. I hope to go back again soon, as it is relatively close to work.
It is definitely a place for those of us wanting to get away from the hotel during A-Kon to go. It is a bit of a distance from the hotel but it is an idea to think about.
I gave the teacher the Hong Kong boxed set of Wolf's Rain, which made her squeal big time. She had the manager put it on the big screen and we watched four eps right then and there. Friday night is anime night at the place. She gave us a copy of her CD - she sings as well as teaches.
She still wants me to get my masters degree but I refuse to go to the closest school, UTD, to get it. I worked there 13 years and I despise the place. The bad working conditions gave me my initial costochondritus that NEVER healed AND my lovely combination carpel tunnel/myofacial syndrome/tardy ulner palsy. The politics behind the scenes are nasty.
She also thinks I could give talks at anime cons about Gravitation. I would only do it if some of YOU FOLKS were also around to do a panel with!!!
Well, my health still sucks (19 weeks and counting) and I think I will be living with this chest and back pain for a VERY long time, if not permanently.
At Frys, we were looking at the ViewSonic 17" still out of stock and the ViewSonic 19" we had considered last week, when the sales person walked over and changed the slip of the ViewSonic one next to the 19" one we were considering. This one was also a 19" and had both a $50 and a $20 rebate attached to it, making it $425 (without tax, of course) instead of $459 after rebates like the other one was labeled. With the $25 gift cert I got from a co-worker for Xmas the monitor would be $400. So I bought it. When everything gets redeemed it will have actually cost me $470, but I can live with that, I think.
The thing is so bright! It also bitches about wanting to be set at its optimum resolution of 1280x1024 but that is too small for me. I finally figured out which button it was referring to for me to shut up the blurb that kept popping up.
It also has built-in speakers, but they suck big time so I kept my regular ones.
This is the last week of work prior to the first week of classes. Yesterday was crazy at work and it is only going to get more loony with all the last-minute fires people think only I can put out.
For some stupid reason, our area has been given the duty to monitor the room down the hall being used for the registration orientation. If faculty assigned do not show up, we have to lock the door. When faculty leave to take a break, we have to lock the door. When faculty show up late for their shift, we have to unlock the door. I say "we" but it has fallen onto me, since my office is the closest to our dept's front door. I am so thrilled to be interrupted all the time.
I am swamped with work I asked for last week but did not get until this week. I have too many syllabi to build for the faculty who do not know how to build html files (even though I provided shells for them) and some of the faculty still haven't gotten me the information. Also, while I have provided standardized syllabi for them to use as shells, some faculty refuse to use them, which causes a lot of problems. The information in the standardized syllabi is required by the state and/or the district and HAVE to be in each syllabus.
The school has also reinstigated the Spring faculty meeting on the Thursday evening prior to the first day of class, which means I will be working at least a 12-hour day this Thursday. After the stupid and waste-of-time main meeting, each dept. has to have a meeting. I am hoping I can get out of going to the main meeting (I am not teaching this semester) so I can get some work done during those hours prior to our dept. meeting.
I am going to a training session off-campus Wednesday afternoon so while the information is important for me to learn, I lose that half-day of regular work.
I am SO glad we will have Monday as a holiday! Then, school starts and my Japanese class begins.
Health:
I had my blood test yesterday morning (should get the results today) and got my new crown yesterday afternoon. Now all four bottom back teeth, two on each side, do not have metal anymore and are not mine. The dentist looked closely at my top teeth and commented on how sharp they were. He had to grind on them a little to get the crown to fit correct. He came to the conclusion those teeth, with their chisel edges, caused my bottom teeth to crack the way they did as I chewed and grinded them together. He says I have the teeth of a raptor, a definite carnivore. He laughed and said, most people's teeth become dull and rounded off when they get older. Mine seem to be getting sharper! He also brought the two books for me to read.
Talon, seems we are playing pass the phone message! We were at the grocery when you called last night. Shortly after I left you my message, we went to bed, about 9pm or so. I am just exhausted again. We also stayed in bed an hour later than usual this morning, so I need to get to it soon.
The monitor we were considering after the other one we really wanted was not in stock is now five hundred fucking dollars.
I am falling asleep at my desk at work. I thought I was over this but I feel like shit. I have to go monitor shopping tonight or no computer for a while. Also have to go grocery shopping tonight.
On top of it is the mild depression I go through every year at this time concerning the incredibly talented artist and writer, Alithiel, and her wasteful death at the age of 18 in a car accident that took one of her siblings as well.
Life is hell right now. I cannot keep up with anything. I think I am going to disappear for a little while - perhaps a few days away from everything will help.
Thanks: --> to Lia, my sensei, who has inspired me to draw again. I
wouldn't be doing this without your support, Domo Arigato!
--> to Talon, for sending me her fabulous fics, inspiring me with her writing to draw my first
illustration for a story and actually liking what I drew.
--> to Dasia, for her words of encouragement when drawing her original chara.
--> to Joules, a wonderful epic fic writer, for liking my art enough to want to post them with Talon's
and her own stories.
--> to Lutra, the other half of the epic team, for being so supportive.
--> to Jacque' & Becca Raddittzu, we met on eBay as bidder and sellers and now we are face-to-face
friends. You showed us the real DBZ with your fansubs. It's all your fault the house is full of
doujinshi! *LOL*
:: welcome to bakayaro onna's mindless ramblings, rants & raves :: 
